Sturm und Drang

Words that never were true
Spoken to help nobody but you
Words with lies inside
But small enough to hide
‘Til your playin’ was through
Words The Monkees

Lately I feel like I resemble this remark by the satirist Mort Sahl: “a very likable guy who makes ex-friends easily.”

(8/10/2021: Text conversation between S and I on her invite for me to join a birthday party for two members in a private pickleball group called Kilmer)

(About an hour later, I receive this text…)

S: Hey Eric, I see you haven’t joined Kilmer yet. We are celebrating Pete’s birthday and Dave’s on Wednesday if interested in joining.

Me: I will stop by and I will bring some snacks for the party. Thanks again for the invite and I’ll see you tomorrow night. I was thinking about soft pretzels and some chocolates. But I will defer to you if I should bring something else.

S:That’s perfect! Very sweet of you. Don’t bring too much. It’s your first time coming and you are also our guest.

(Minutes later, I receive this text from S, rescinding the invitation)

S: Hi Eric, I circumvented our system and didn’t check first with everyone which is our usual policy. Pls hold off. I’m sorry.

(Since I was “disinvited,” I tried to handle this as gracefully as I could. I felt bad for S. I knew she wasn’t behind the disinvite.)

Me: Thanks again for the invitation to join. But I am going to take my name off the list. I sense that there could be an “issue“ and I do not wish to upset the dynamics of a very good group. I will see all of you at various meet ups and look forward to playing with all of you then. I will wish Pete and Dave a happy birthday the next time that I see them.

S: If things change please let me know. It would be really great to have you.

(In October 2021, a party was scheduled at the pickleball courts where I host Meet-ups. I am declining an invitation to the party and am addressing my text to the individual who was responsible for my invitation to the August birthday party being rescinded.)

P., “Thanks for your invite to the Kilmer Halloween party but I regretfully decline. In August, S. had invited me to a birthday party for Pete and Dave. Since I am friendly with just about all of the Kilmer group, I accepted. I discussed with S. what to bring and I looked forward to the get together. Unfortunately S. contacted me later and apologetically asked me not to come as there was an issue with me being invited. I was disappointed but I did not want S. to feel more awkward so I told her I would not go. I did wish Pete and Dave Happy Birthdays when I saw them on the courts.

It’s a shame that someone in the group felt to exclude me. Besides the competition in Pickleball, what may be most important are the social connections and friendships we develop in the sport. I try to make and keep as many friendships as I can.

Because of the disappointment I felt at missing the earlier Kilmer party and not wanting to risk being told at the gate for the Halloween party that I am not welcomed, I decline your invitation.

I hope your party goes well and the attendees have a great time…”

(Text by P to the community Pickleball Group where both she and I belong. She admits to being the person who did not want me at the party and she attempts to explain why.)

P: I was uncomfortable about Eric attending the party at Kilmer because of comments directed at me during River Road meetups, which I kept private. Air cleared.

(I had asked her why I was denied entry to the party after being invited. I already knew she was responsible.)

P: Eric, you’d fear entry to the party would be denied? How dare you say or anyone believe this disparaging remark aimed at people you play with at RR (including my Tuesday meetup) Hainesport, & Jeff Young every week. This feeble ploy to gain sympathy should be above you.

(Turns out I was not invited to a surprise party for P in March 2022. I was disappointed I was not invited but I was angered to find out that I was deliberately excluded. As far as I knew I had very good relations with the rest of the Kilmer Group except P., who I thought I was rebuilding a past friendship with.)

( I was friendly with F. She was a member of the Kilmer Group and I enjoyed our conversations and playing pickleball together. There was an issue with the RR pickleball courts and she seemed upset with me on how I handled it. I sent her a text explaining my rationale and I included this wish below…)

Me: Don’t want to lose your friendship.

A few days after I sent the text, I noticed that she had unfriended me on Facebook. Recently I saw F on the pickleball courts. Maybe my imagination, but she seemed to be avoiding me. However later we wound up partnered in a game. After the game ended, we had this brief conversation:

Me: F, why did you unfriend me on Facebook?
F: I don’t know what you are talking about. I did not unfriend you.
Me: (Showing her Facebook profile on my iPhone) It now says ‘Add Friend.” You deleted me. I just wanted to know why. You can leave our friendship but please don’t lie to me.

F denied that she did anything but her denials were hollow.

There are lies that may hurt my feelings and then there are lies that also insult my intelligence. While I am disappointed by the first lie, I am enraged by the second. So if you are going to take the opportunity to lie to me, at least do me the favor of taking the time to make your lie a plausible one.

EAB

***

She was Circe to my Odysseus. And like Odysseus, I resisted the siren’s call…

***

If there is no honesty, loyalty and trust in a friendship, there is no friendship.

Deceit is hurtful; from those we considered friends, devastating.

Hurricane Vignettes

My first cruise was on the Disney Magic out of Orlando in 1999. I was somewhat apprehensive about sailing anyway and when I saw that a hurricane was brewing close to our itinerary, I became more fearful. I was assured by a Disney representative that the ship would sail away from the storm. Turned out the ship sailed right through the storm. For about 12 hours, I was on a ship that sailed through 80 MPH winds, rough seas and pitched violently. Torrents of water cascaded down the elevator shaft. I could not sleep and spent time trying to comfort a young mother with children in the lobby who sobbed that we were going to die. Thankfully my wife somehow slept through the storm. Next day, I saw the ship’s captain and asked “WTF?” He said he was assured by Disney’s weather consultants that the storm would not be that bad and it was safe to sail for the Bahamas. I was mislead by Disney. The captain was mislead by his support staff. Ultimately the customer’s safety and comfort be damned. There was money involved for Disney and the Bahamas for the ship to sail and on its predestined course.

On September 12, 1960, I walked 1 .5 miles to my school, St Joseph’s Elementary in South Camden. I was 8 years old and starting third grade. My father had died from a heart attack in February. My mother did not have a car and she did not know how to drive. I did not listen to the news so I was unaware of the impending severe weather. Hurricane Donna which had ravaged states up the Atlantic seacoast was on target to hit New Jersey. As I sat in class, I started to see the driving rain and winds gusting. My class soon emptied as anxious parents picked up their children. My teacher would not let me leave as she feared for my safety. I told her that no one was going to come for me. As the storm worsened, I made a decision. I was leaving. I headed home. An umbrella was useless due to the high winds. I passed West Jersey Hospital where a group of nurses insisted that I come into their building. I declined. My concern was the electrical wires I passed and debris falling around. Last 1/2 mile, I ran home. My mother was in tears as I arrived home and that experience convinced her to learn to drive and buy a car.

The Price is Right (1970s edition)

I have maintained a personal journey since I was 16 years old. Here are some golden oldies on my entries on what prices used to be fifty years ago…Note gas prices…

March 17, 1973

A haircut cost me $4.25 today. I can remember when they were only two dollars. People are rightfully angry at rising prices and costs. Where does one begin to hold the line?

August 9, 1973

Pair of glasses cost me $44.

Friday, March 22, 1974

Bought an $85 suit on Monday. Pretty snazzy!

Saturday, December 7, 1974

Bought a 1973 Maverick. Price $2118.

Wednesday, January 29, 1975

Gas prices for regular run about $.47 a gallon right now on the average.

Tuesday, July 31, 1979

Prices:
Flounder $2.29 a pound
Eggs one dollar a dozen
Bread $.53 a load
Steak $2.49 a pound
Pepsi 64 oz. $.99
Lettuce $.59 a head
Milk $.86 for a half-gallon
Hamburger $1.99 lb.
Movies $3.50

Saturday, April 12, 1980

Price trivia:
Gas $1.27 per gallon unleaded
Egg McMuffin, hash browns, OJ $1.94
Sunday Inquirer $.60
Sunday Courier $.35
Gatorade $.69 a bottle

Sweeping the Chalkboard

The worst personal rejections come when those who meant so much to you show how little you meant to them.

Relationship neutron bomb—I survive but the friendship, memories, interest and good feelings don’t.

“How long have you known him?
“Fifteen years.”
“What’s the one thing we should know about him if we offer him the job?”
She lowered her head smiling. Pausing for a moment she then stared hard at the questioner and warned, “He doesn’t suffer fools gladly.”

At the precipice, my muscles and sinews struggled mightily to pull up the rope. With each slight pull, I felt a great weight at the end of the rope. With one last desperate pull of strength, I was able to reach the end of the rope. To my shock, there was no one, nothing attached. I had struggled desperately at great effort to save what I thought valuable, but it did not exist, it was imaginary.

Photo by Dids-Pexels

Her silence to my inquiry communicated nothing but told me everything.

EAB

Political Potpourri

Why should I worry about the future? Political, religious and cultural groups are pushing an agenda to return to the way things were in the mid-1960s when I was in my teens. Intolerance, racism, sexual repression, discrimination, and religious fanaticism are making a return thanks to Republicans and the Supreme Court, though I’m sure they have never left.

In my almost eight decades of life in the United States, I have seen so much improvement in our technology, medicine and science. Sadly I have not seen the same level of improvement in our national character.

Studying American history after November 21, 1963 is like reading a tragedy. The previous four Presidents before that date were successful ones: FDR, Truman, Eisenhower and JFK. The next four Presidents were LBJ, Nixon, Ford and Carter. They were responsible for the Vietnam War, Watergate, Nixon’s pardon and Iran hostage crisis. Since 1963, we have been involved in unnecessary wars in Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan. Starting with the Reagan years, we have hollowed out the middle class in this country and made it much harder for young citizens to achieve the “American dream.” The United States has largely lost the immense respect it had in the world after World War II.

Was the last great national achievement of this country the moon landing in July 1969?

So many Americans are content to being entertained as opposed to being informed and educated. Those Americans are like professional wrestling “marks”. They are gullible to the most ludicrous story lines and pontifications…

Today’s Supreme Court has the same credibility as a moral, ethical, judicial and intellectual authority and arbiter as the Vatican.

While many in this country seem to celebrate individual success stories, one senses that many in the public secretly revel more in the failures, scandals and downfalls of those individuals. The media like to highlight the successes but love to cover and commentate on the downfall.

“Next time the National Anthem is played, every woman and girl should take a knee.” Cheri Jacobus, writing on Twitter

I think that you may receive a more accurate projection of your money and finances from a carnival fortuneteller then a certified financial advisor.

Roe vs Wade Overturn: First Thoughts

A leaked draft opinion indicating the Supreme Court has voted to overturn Roe v. Wade, the landmark decision that guaranteed abortion access, sent immediate shock waves throughout the United States, as many Americans braced for a future without reproductive rights that had been established for nearly a half-century.

NYT 5/3/2022

First Thoughts:

This development is probably bad news for the Republican party as it pertains to the midterm elections. The GOP was looking forward to significant gains in the House and Senate in the upcoming November election. I sense that there will be a significant political backlash and rise in political activism among women.

I think that many Democrats and liberals who decided to stand on the sidelines for the November midterm elections will now get back into the game.

Regrettably this story will push back and minimize coverage of the war in Ukraine. I hope that Americans will still support Ukraine with the fervor that they have shown so far.

This purported decision by the Supreme Court will further deepen the cultural, political and social rifts that plagued this country. I fear there will be political violence and terrorism created by this decision.

This decision will spur further discussion on how to limit the Supreme Court’s powers and also bring back ideas on increasing the size of the Court. I don’t believe that any of these discussions will generate any results.

Senescence Round 6

For older guys, Pickleball: Exercise = Viagra: Sex

Ukraine: Their legislators are dodging bullets.
USA: Our GOP legislators are dodging ballots.

Hollywood: A slap results in one suffering a 10 year ban from the Academy of Arts and Sciences
Washington: An attempted overthrow of the government results in one being the favorite for the GOP nomination for President in 2024

I am a hoarder of cluttered life experiences and emotional baggage including insults remembered, disappointments, unfulfilled expectations, envies, failures and missed opportunities. Time to declutter…

My most irrational belief is that people should act and think like I do.

Most men should be ending their political careers at age 70 not beginning or renewing it.

Voters are doing a poor job of eliminating politicians whose ages may be less than 70 but so are their IQs.

In their teens and 20s, baby boomers crammed to study for exams and finish class papers. In their 60s and older, baby boomers now cram to complete their bucket list while they are still healthy and active.

In their teens and twenties, baby boomers pulled “all nighters” which was staying up all night to study or finish papers. In their 60s and older, all nighters usually represent the hours between 10 p.m and 7 a.m. where baby boomers try to get a good night sleep.

I Got Your Message

The person who I am writing about is a “friend” for about 20 years. I expected that she would be a friend till I died. For some reason, she has not responded to my e-mails or my invitation to have lunch. I’m stunned. She was so helpful to me at different turbulent periods in my life, notably when Chris had breast cancer. Not the first time I have experienced this where I feel frozen out.

******

Geez, it sure has been awhile since we last spoke
So I called your cell phone hoping to catch up.
No answer.
So I left you a short message asking you to call back when you had the time.
No response.

I figured you missed my phone message so I texted you.
I know you are busy but I was counting on you seeing my text
So I drafted a short message asking you contact me when you had the time hoping to catch up.
No response.

We always remembered each other’s birthday so I e-mailed a funny card
I figured you were busy but I was sure this would brighten your day and spark a reply
I included a short message with the card asking you contact me when you had the time.
No response.

No response to my phone message, text and e-mail, so I wrote a personal letter
I figured that even if you were busy, you would take the time to read of my confusion and disappointment on your non-response when you had downtime.
I ended the letter asking you to contact me
No response.

A few months later, I had lunch with another mutual friend
Aware of my numerous efforts to contact you, I was asked,
”Did you ever receive a response from all the texts and messages you sent?
“Sadly I did,” I replied.

Book Review: The Fire is Upon Us: James Baldwin, William F. Buckley Jr. and the Debate over Race in America

What a fascinating and enlightening book! I had seen the Baldwin/Buckley debate at Cambridge on YouTube so I was at least familiar with that event. However, I was not familiar with the backstories regarding the two men and how they influenced the civil rights movement. Buccola’s book provides an excellent historical context around the debate. I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I was not familiar with Mr. Baldwin’s contributions regarding the civil rights movement. Baldwin was certainly a very persuasive and excellent spokesman for civil rights.

I was familiar with Mr. Buckley, particularly through his TV show Firing Line which I watched in my much younger years. Though I did not always agree (or understand) Mr. Buckley’s point of view, I was always impressed by his articulateness, vocabulary and presentation. However after reading this book, I am not so impressed by Mr. Buckley. I had no idea about his views regarding civil rights and blacks as human beings. I know it was a different time and many people shared Mr. Buckley’s opinion that the civil rights movement was proceeding too quickly. But I ascribed more intelligence, judgment and reasoning to Mr. Buckley that he deserved. This book opened my eyes to this part of history that I missed.

According to the author, Mr Baldwin’s opinion of William F. Buckley was much harsher…

“Buckley, Baldwin believed, knew better and had the ability to exert a considerable amount of influence in the world. Indeed, Buckley’s work as a guardian of white supremacy was, from Baldwin’s perspective, more sinister than that of the most hardened racists in American politics. Time and again, Buckley’s ends were the same as the racist demagogues he was always sure to condemn; his primary objection to these men was the means they chose to use on behalf of ‘the cause of white people.’ For these reasons, Baldwin concluded, some of the blood shed as a result of the American racial nightmare was on Buckley’s hands.”

The author points out this warning for American politics today…

“The price of victory, though, has been incredibly high. The American Right seems to be in much the same place today as where it found itself over half a century ago. To achieve overwhelming power, conservatives have had to rely on the political energy provided by racial resentment and status anxiety. Much like Buckley, many conservative elites find reliance on such energy unseemly, but they cling to it because they know it gives life to their agenda. For the American Right, the price of power has been a deal with the devil of white supremacy. This was true in Buckley’s time, and it is true in our own.”

The book is about 400 pages. If you only have limited time, read the transcript of the debate at Cambridge found in the Appendix of the book.