At 73, this Labor Day weekend makes me wonder: How many summers do I have left?
I don’t miss the heat or humidity of summer. I miss the sunlight—the early sunrises, the lingering evenings. A metaphor, perhaps, for life’s stages.
Leisure reading is fading. Only 16% of Americans read regularly for pleasure—down from 28% in 2003. In the UK, just 41% of parents read daily to toddlers, compared with 64% in 2012.
I wandered into a Barnes & Noble last week, my first visit in over a year. Chairs and cozy nooks were gone—B&N is all business now. I left without a book. Even their sale couldn’t entice me; I balk at paying more than $20 for a hardcover.
On my nightstand:
- King of Kings: The Iranian Revolution—A Story of Hubris, Delusion and Catastrophic Miscalculation by Scott Anderson
- Miracles and Wonder: The Historical Mystery of Jesus by Elaine Pagels
Haruki Murakami once wrote:
“If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.”
Mortality hovers. I don’t fear death, but I do fear dying. Sometimes I feel like a man with his head beneath a guillotine, staring at the blade. I’ve been fortunate with health, but around me I see friends whose luck has run out. The blade will fall on me too.
Meanwhile, the U.S. falters. Ineptitude, cowardice, hubris—displayed daily. A recent New York Times photo showed India’s Modi with Putin and Xi, a tableau of shifting power. It captured the failure of American diplomacy and leadership. One man bears much of the blame: Donald Trump. As summer declines, so does America as it retreats further into the darkness.
Esot-eric 
Oh this is a good post!
I feel the same about fall. Although pretty with the leaf change, it forebodes the coming of winter and shorter days and harsher times.
I’m 78 and definitely feel my time is short, but luckily I still have friends and a home I love and decent health. I realize that can change in an instant, which makes it all the more precious.
I’ve been thinking about death a lot lately and what I fear, is being incapacitated but still alive. I would dread a nursing home and to lose everything and not just money.
But I realized lately, precisely because I have 3 good friends, that it’s the fear of missing out (FOMO) that bothers me most. The time spent with them discussing politics and other world events and just life. And missing what on earth will happen to this country and the world with trump and his crownies at the realm and so much cowardice towards him.
But I suppose it’s the way of humanity and the vehicle for change, that will not be good. We seem to never learn and we have a great capacity for greed and cruelty. And I won’t even go into the threat of climate change and resource depletion.
I dread the not knowing, not being able to still have discussions and meaningful connections to people…never knowing what happened…just having it all end and never having a thought or conversation again.
I’m not religious, so I don’t believe in an afterlife.
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You share much of my thinking, values and fears. Like you I have decent health and am moderately active. However I am slowing down and I notice that my balance and agility are declining a bit. I have lost a few friends and family members over the past few years. I now find myself the oldest living member from my mother’s side of the family. As I said in my essay, I fear dying. I truly hope I die quickly and quietly. I remember about 14 years ago hearing that I had cancer. About 10 years ago, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer and thankfully she survived but at a cost to her general health. I don’t discuss politics anymore. Years ago, maybe before Obama, I would engage in political debate. Can’t do it anymore…too frustrating! I do my best to avoid reading or hearing what Trump or his acolytes say. My wife and I never had children. We had desperately wanted them, but there are times today that maybe it was good that we did not have kids. I think our generation has made a mess of passing opportunities and chances for a better life to those that follow us. This nation should not be governed by a 79 year old man suffering from cognitive issues and God knows what else. It’s a great thing that you have friends. I have a small group of friends too – – I should probably see them more than I do. Like you, I am not religious. I was baptized a Catholic but pretty much disowned it when I was about 17 years old. I have to admit that I am heavily influenced by the thoughts and writings of Christopher Hitchens about religion and the afterlife. My younger sister, who was 39 years old, died back in 1995. She died suddenly and unexpectedly from surgery. I guess that if somehow she appeared before me, I might reconsider my religious beliefs. Thank you for reading. Thank you very much for expressing your thoughts. I deeply appreciate that. Please count me as one of your friends who you could discuss politics, world, events, and just life. Continue to enjoy a healthy and happy life!
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